Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Everything around you's growin' old.
The days drag on, the nights last forever,
Every day's tougher just to keep it together.
Forget everything you've ever known,
Except for home.
-Cross Canadian Ragweed

Currently Listening How To Save A Life By The Fray Over My Head (Cable Car) see related

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
He's on your mind
He's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
You find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between and

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
He's on your mind
He's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
He's on your mind
He's on

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
He's on your mind
He's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind

Everone knows I'm in
Over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm over my

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
He's on your mind
He's on your mind

Yep...pretty much....

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world that I wonder how I, or anyone for that matter, could ever doubt His presence.

It's in the rays of sunlight that shine down through cotton ball clouds that make me feel a sense of warmth and comfort. It's in a sunset that's so breath-taking I'm distracted my driving on 270 just so that I can steal glances at it before it melts away. It's in the nervous blush and flutter in my stomach that makes me feel sick and genuinely pleased at thing same time when I see or speak to someone whom I secretly adore. It's in the kinds words I take for granted everyday from those I love the most. It's there in the little gestures that people make to let you know they care. It's in a brief smile exchanged by two complete strangers passing one another on a crowed sidewalk.  It's there in the silent understand between two friends that it's okay to cry without having to explain because they already know your thoughts. It's in the answered and unanswered prayers.

More recently I've felt less whole and like I'm missing a piece of myself and I think it's because I've been missing the faith I used to have.  I've prayed and asked for signs or signals to give me certainty that He is present and that all my belief was not in vain. Up until now I've thought that maybe I did something horribly wrong which made all my prayers go unanswered and brushed aside for more important ones, or that maybe mine just weren't important because I've been struggling with coming to terms with what I believe and how what I believe affects the actions I take and don't take.

Then I thought about how much I love sunsets and the sky on a clear night when the stars and moon float between whispy clouds. Maybe the answers I've been waiting for are right in front of me and all I need to do is interpret them.  Maybe there is no black and white answer for why I question my faith...maybe there are hues of gray, green, and blue.  Maybe God is speaking to me through the beauty I see in everyday life and I'm just not listening hard enough to understand the message. Maybe I'm looking for excuses to question and to not believe because I'm afraid-of what, I'm not sure.

Maybe if I could stop questioning I could understand my purpose in life and stop being so confused about everything........

*Sappy and ridiculous, I know...but I just needed to put my thoughts out there.

Currently Listening Songs About Jane By Maroon 5 see related

"I'm fucking crawling out of my skin!"